don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
