I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
