I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
