before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
