where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
