My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
