there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you traded sex for a burrito?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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