I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
