he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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