i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
