Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
