Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
