like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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