Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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