the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
