i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
