im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
