im drinking this country out of the recession.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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