I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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