Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
