Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
