Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
