so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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