You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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