drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
