umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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