i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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