Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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