There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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