That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
