Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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