At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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