I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
