2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
