Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
