all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
