Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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