We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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