so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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