yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
