You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
