I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
