I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
