The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
