I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
