I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
