This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
