he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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