Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
