I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The adults are the big ones right?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
