I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
