Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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